Doctor, please hurry. 11 A Good Medical Joke. By queensland university of technology. Patient: Doctor, doctor, Im addicted to brake fluid., Patient: Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. She will rise and shine.. ", The emergency physician spots a duck flying the marsh and aims a huge, automatic combat shotgun, unloading two full magazines into the air, as the other physicians take cover behind him. Why did the calendar have to visit the doctor?It had a terrible year-ache. I said to the doctor at the hospital, "I keep dreaming my eyes change colour". "The patient replies, "But, Doctor, my name is not Jim. A: He made a spectacle of himself You've got your memory back. The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are you have small boobs. Those are my symptoms exactly!, What did the judge say to the dentist?Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?, "Did you hear the one about the germ? Make sure to tell these to true . "Oh yes there are 3 other doctors there already. 13: I'd like to think inside your box. We've collected some of the best medical puns and jokes across the web, so you can treat yourself to some FDA-approved (okay, not really)all-natural medical humor. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. A group of first year medical students are gathered around a table with a naked cadaver on it.. Their instructor motions for them to come close for their first 3 lessons of medical school. Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk carefully by the pill cabinet? He responded by saying, Shingles, and she told him to wait in the exam room.Ten minutes later, a nurse came in and asked what he has. Both friends - doctor and engineer- were in love for the same girl. "Patient: "What's the good news? 11 dirty jokes to laugh your heart out. A man goes to the doctor with a flatulence problem. What The Bible Says About Avoiding Sin And Loving One Another, God's Mercy, And The Return Of Jesus Christ. It says, Doc, you gotta help me! Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating. Jerry is in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.Im OK, but I didnt like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery, he answered.What did he say? asked the nurse.OOPS!, Doctor: I accidentally left my gloves inside your stomach during your operation. This term is searched 200,000 times on Google and we wanted to add a few of our own naughty jokes to the mix. Accountancy is the oldest profession in the world. Once the doctor entered the exam room, he started asking all the usual questions about symptoms and how long theyve persisted. 74 apple jokes, puns and one liners! Or you just rocked my world?! He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results. That will be $500." "We need a 4th for poker""I'll be right over" says the doctor. ", A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then? I have some bad news and some very bad news which would you like to hear first?, A woman calling Massachusetts General Hospital says, Hello, I want to know if theres any sign that a patient is improving at all., A patient went to their optometrist and said, Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain in my eye. How is a woman like a road? Slow down girl, you're giving me a woodwind. "Doctor: "The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe. "Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream." I'm a musician, but let me tell you this. Hey Former Cult Member Pandas, What Made You Figure Out You Were In A Cult? What's better than a cold Bud? Source: tabloidindia.com ", Patient says, "Doctor I have pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. You can call me metronidazole because I do great work below the diaphragm without needing air. Dirty Limericks are the best kind of limericks and the most popular! Faced with such a brilliant response, we have no possible reply. Prevention! The doctor . "The doctor replied, "Nah, mate, you came here yesterday.". I took our advice and it works! "Your tap water is too hard. I'm excited Yule be home for Christmas. "Is it serious?" If I were an enzyme, Id be DNA helicase, so I could unzip your genes! "Doctor: "119". A dermatologist makes a fortune selling skin cream and runs off with the money.Rumor has it he was last spotted on his way to a topical island. When the man came back, the doctor gave him a shot, but that didnt help either.When the man returned again, the doctor told him, Go home. ", Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards. ", Man: "Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! A woman went to the doctor complaining of pain all over her body. Having the proper resources to conduct a successful job search can make a big difference. Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember Clever Jokes That Make You Sound Smart Funny Examples of Irony in. How did the doctor cure the invisible man?He took him to the ICU. A: One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats. "Doctor: "Wow! ", 5. 11 dirty jokes to laugh your heart out. Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me? Who stands in for doctors when they need to go on leave?The hip replacement guy. A woman went to the doctor complaining of pain all over her body.I hurt all over, she said.What do you mean all over? the doctor asked, Can you be a little more specific?The woman proceeded to touch her right knee with her index finger and yelled, Ow, that hurts. Then her nose and yelled again, Ouch! My son swallowed a razor-blade.Dont panic, Im coming immediately. When someone from the passengers shouted 'He asked for a cup of coffee too'. When your brain is in absolute overload. Why did Dracula go to the doctor?He couldnt stop coffin! "Doctor: "The good news is the surgery was successful. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. Doctor: 'Sit down and don't stir.'. Get him vitamins. One liners and short jokes; I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point. Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses. If I was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me? Patient: Doctor, doctor, Im going to die in 59 seconds!Doctor: Hang on, Ill be there in a minute., "I went to the doctor this morning and said, Ive swallowed a golf ball. The doctor said, Yes, I can see its gone down a fairway.", The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, I cannot hide the fact that you are very ill. Is there anyone you would like to see?Yes, replied the patient faintly. Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. The second was to put it back together again and you did it perfectly and got another 50%. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. ", Doctor: "Sorry sir, but your body has run out of magnesium. Patient: Doctor, I am feeling much better now. When the last young nurse said she worked as a nurse at an HMO, St Peter said, "You can go to heaven too." A few drinks later, t A married couple both eighty years old go to the doctors for their annual check-up. If I treat someone with pneumonia, he will die of pneumonia., A guy strolls into work with both of his ears bandaged up.His boss asks him, Jeez, what happened to your ears?Well, yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang, and I accidentally answered the iron.Well, that explains one ear, the boss replied, but what about the other one?I had to call the doctor!, A man having trouble with his vision decides to visit his doctor. "Woman: "No, no, no! One day, a woman walks into a doctors office.She has a cucumber in her nose, a carrot in her left ear, and a banana in her right ear.Whats wrong with me? she asks the doctor.Youre not eating properly, he replies. A doctor and a patient joke; What kind of bees produce milk? A Graduate Nurse wears so many pins on their name badge you cant read it. Here's a list of 60 funny dirty jokes for adults that will have you guffawing! one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Here are all the best chicken jokes, just for you! What happened?Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company., Are you an organ donor?No, but one time I donated an old piano to the Salvation Army!. SEO List Curator for Bored Panda. Because I want to attach to your posterior region! It's either you're not in touch with reality or you just don't care! The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed. I can't tell you that. he asks. Why did the pillow go to the doctor?He was feeling all stuffed up! ", 6. Better than a quarterback sneak. Because you're making me drool. Turns out the doctor is schizophrenic, and he is talking to his evil reflection. Catscan: Searching for kitty 1. Coma: A punctuation mark. There are also medical puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. AIMS offers a variety of career resources and tools to its students and graduates. I dont have to ask my patients these kinds of questions. Why did the sperm cross the road? The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died." Graduates of the Patient Care Technician program are prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities. The curtain opens and a pig is seen making love to a dinosaur. A hypochondriac told his doctor he was certain he had a fatal disease. Dr. Young: "But this is only $500" One day, a veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. Adam turned over a leaf to make an entry. Jokes contain a subject and a predicate and very often a direct object. He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he is ill. After the checkup, the doctor comes out with the results of the examination. -those who understand binary, and those who don't. COPY JOKE. Whats the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? #77. Funny medical one/two liners that really caught my attention. ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), 30 Of The Most Spine-Chilling Things Kids Have Ever Said, As Shared In This Viral Twitter Thread, Woman On TikTok Calls Out Airbnb Tenant's Entitlement When She Realizes That She Has To Do Chores Despite $125 Cleaning Fee, Old Photos In Real Life: 35 Pics That Show How Much Time Affects Everything (New Pics), AITA? ", What did the balloon say to the doctor?I feel light-headed.. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. The nurse who can smile when things go wrong. My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. ", "Yesterday, the doctor told me I was colorblind. you know, you could do better.. These hilarious jokes prove that blondes really do have more fun. He forgot to wrap his whopper. Why did the computer go to the doctor?It thought it had a terminal illness. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. 80 short jokes and one liners! "During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? Pilot left his microphone on. "Patient: "120 what? "The surgeon responds, "I know. The other watches your snatch. Why did the rope go to the doctor?It had a knot in its stomach. Man: "It was, and she is". She said, "Who was that? Why did Santas helper see the doctor?He had low elf esteem. Add it the comments, we would love to read it! The next week the old lady returns. I cant stop my hands from shaking.Doctor: Do you drink often?Patient: Not really, I end up spilling most of it., Doctor: "You are very ill."Patient: "Is it okay if I get a second opinion? There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. Never mind, I dont want to spread it around.". "You look drunk." 3. Who stands in for doctors when they need to go on leave? "The doctor calmly suggests, "I recommend you take her for a very long walk and leave her. He asked, "Can you describe the symptoms?" Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. 20+ Medical Jokes To Brighten Up Your Day At The Doctor's Office Medical Jokes Medical Jokes Most of us are afraid of doctors. Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital""Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that. He has very little patients. ", Patient: Will this ointment clear up my spots?Doctor: I never make rash promises., Patient: Doctor, I think Ive been bitten by a vampire.Doctor: Drink this glass of water.Patient: Will it make me better?Doctor: No, but Ill be able to see if your neck leaks., Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a carrot.Doctor: Dont get yourself in a stew.. Doctor: Mr. Nurse to doctor, "There's a man in the waiting room who thinks he is invisible.". "I went to the doctor this morning and told him I felt run down. Can you check it out please?" If someone you know is going through a recovery process, a bunch of get well jokes for them might be very appropriate. A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Two doctors meet at the bar and decide to hook-up. ", Doctor: You have high blood pressure and amnesia., Patient: Doctor, doctor, I stood on a LEGO!, Doctor: "I've got good news, and bad news. Submitted By: dr. hemantkumar | Current Rating: 4.5. Does an apple a day really keep the doctor away? ", 8. A proctologist had been in practice for 20 years and had settled into a very comfortable life with his future very secure. I cant pay that before the end of the month!Doctor: OK, then you have six months to live.. They were put in seperate examination rooms. ", An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. 10: You grow on people.so does cancer. Mercury is in Uranus right now. A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of cough syrup.Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks, Well? upvote downvote report. Doctors son: Well, Dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines for success.. Giving people toilet paper is no longer . What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?An URL-ologist. Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. Patient: "Someone vandalized my house last night!". This is arealstory submitted to a Reddit board: To display your contact list, you must sign in: 90 Anti-Jokes So Serious They're Hilarious! the man pleads.The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. The 48+ Best Medical School Jokes - UPJOKE. Let's take a look at our favorite short jokes for adults only: As far as dirty jokes go, we can safely say that size doesn't matter. The doctor says, "Good! Do you have more jokes for your own? The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." But don't worry, I'll give the good news to your widow. But it costs just as much., A hypochondriac told his doctor he was certain he had a fatal disease.Nonsense, scolded the doctor. Christmas has me feeling Santa-mental. ", Right before surgery the surgeon says, "Relax, Jim. 2. Why did the grasshopper go to the doctor? After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "He died as he. Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. says the doctor. Patient: Doctor, are the test results ready yet? Calculated You sent me a bill for $1,000. An American tourist in Australia got hit by a car. What will happen to her?Eventually, said the doctor. A Graduate Nurse throws up when the patient does. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills. 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Because you're making me drool. G.I. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. The doctor says, youve broken your finger. I never loved you in the first place. What should I do?Take these pills, says the doctor. And maybe write that down so you won't forget?" It's just a small scalpel incision. I cant keep from yawning all day long.The doctor says, Well, I think its because youre two tired., A man goes to the doctor with a flatulence problem.The doctor asks, How often do you pass gas? and the man replies "10 to 15 times an hour. What band was better than The Cure? We will not publish or share your email address in any way. "He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart. 1. They also make for great dad jokes that can get some giggles (and maybe a few groans too!). "I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright. Doctors themselves have a great, if a little morbid, sense of humor. Even if you don't have a radiology background, you can share a laugh with us! Shingles, he responded. I was stung by a bee! she said. You wouldnt know if you had that. ", A pirate goes to the doctor and says, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh. She told me to stop going to those places. Why did the ladybird go to the doctor?She had spots! This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. Why does miss piggy douche with honey? "Mom? The police put out an alert to look for the two hardened criminals. But I stand corrected. My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. How do you know your doctor is a vampire? 82.44 % / 2043 votes. "Doctor says, "Take the spoon out of your mug. What can I do?. Take these pills and come back next week.". *crushed* "Man: "Tell me the bad news first doc. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. 6. I can tell whats wrong just by looking at them why cant you?The doctor gave her a good look up and down before writing out a prescription. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. Patient: Doctor, Ive swallowed a spoon.Doctor: Sit down and dont stir.. Husband: The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.. Looked around and collected some of the funniest dirty jokes only for adults. Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. 19. We have a simple and elegant solution for you! Dont leave me hangin here. A friend of mine was destined to be an osteopath. Because you could ride my lightning. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. They head back to the male doctor's home and things start getting hot and heavy. He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. ", A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 10 months.The woman asked the doctor about her baby.Doctor: "You had twins, a boy and a girl. Your arm is broke! If I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord. Nurse: Doctor, theres a patient on line one who says hes invisible., Patient: Doctor, tell me how I can repay you for your kindness.. You must be clozapine because you make me drool uncontrollably. That doesnt mean ignoring your health though. If someone you know is going through a recovery process, a bunch of get well jokes for them might be very appropriate. ", "My dermatologist was fired today. Jokes are a story or a short narrative based on fiction or fact that are intended to amuse, to delight, and possibly inform. Why did the library book go to the doctor?It needed to be checked out. What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money? But wait, there's myrrh. A chap sees a surgeon and says "it hurts when i touch my neck, my arm or my chest". I just drive everywhere. i have an imaginary girlfriend.. What do you get when a doctor goes back in time to teach himself medicine? Submitted By: N.S.Srivatsan | Current Rating: 2.9. If you'd like to enjoy some moremedical humor, one linersandfunny hospital jokes, be sure to check out our collection ofmedical puns. A friend of mine was destined to be an osteopath. But that is why we like um! Husband: The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.Wife: And did he?Husband: Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill., What did the doctor say to the rocket ship?Time to get your booster shot!, Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.Doctor: Didnt the new glasses help?Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer., Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.. Whether you're a doctor, nurse, medical or healthcare student, or another member of the healthcare force. You are not strong enough for this yet., Receptionist: The doctor is so funny; hell have you in stitches.Patient: I hope not I only came in for a checkup., As I was admitted to the hospital for a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist and said, Im going to give you a bracelet.Has it got rubies and diamonds? I asked.No, he said. Not my brother. Jones, you may want to sit down. More Dirty Jokes. His wife asks when she notices him quickly putting on his coat. Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! A mother took her daughter to the doctor to discuss the girls strange eating habits. The vet interrupted him by saying, Look, Im a vet. How many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb? . ", "During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Doctor: "Of course! Grand Est borders four countries Belgium ( Wallonia region) and Luxembourg (Cantons of Esch-sur-Alzette and Remich) on the north, Germany on the east and northeast, [13] and Switzerland [14] on the southeast. Why did the calendar have to visit the doctor? Why didnt Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough?A cold never bothered her, anyway. Why didnt Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital. A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; The poop almost always misses the chux pad despite your best efforts. 6. Triple Bypass: Better than a quarterback sneak What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again? Hilariously Inappropriate List of Dirty Jokes How does the receptionist at a urology department answer the phone? One day, a man walked into a doctors office and told the receptionist he had shingles. 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Here are even more adult jokes that are easy to remember. A friend of mine was destined to be an osteopath. How did the doctor cure the invisible man? You can change your preferences. Dirty, hospital, medical, nurse, viagra. One liners and short jokes; He said he could feel it in his bones. Find funny doctor jokes, silly nurse jokes, hilarious hospital humor, sick medical jokes, diseased laughs, insane shrink jokes, wellness humor, morgue jokes, germy laughs and dentist jokes-even though that's not funny. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. I'm feeling a little off today. Right before surgery the surgeon says, "Relax, Jim. Son Tells His Parents Hell Never Speak To Them Again After Finding Out Theyre Paying For Sisters Education Yet Didnt Pay For His, The Best And Worst Transformations Seen During School Reunions, As Shared By These 30 Internet Users, 'You Are Not Alone': I Made Relatable Illustrations Of A Middle-Aged Panda Experiencing Daily Struggles (16 New Pics). That also hurts. Then she touched her left earlobe and yelled again, Even that hurts doc.After examining her, the doctor came to a conclusion the woman had a broken finger. Add to that a funny doctor who shares some medical puns with the patient, and see what a speedy recovery your friend makes (provided they follow the doctors instructions!). You must be clozapine because you make me drool uncontrollably. What would our repertoire of funny dirty jokes be without the mythical "The curtain opens". So, if you want to tell some hilarious medical puns or even teach medical puns to your kids check out this article. My thermometer just broke. 6 The Diagnosis. Possible flying squirrel. "By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house, An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off. Artery - Study of Fine Paintings or military, not sure. Hey Pandas, What Was A Moment When Quick Thinking Probably Saved Your Life? Avoid heavy lifting. Woman on the phone: "My husband accidentally swallowed an Aspirin, what should I do now? It's just a small scalpel incision. "I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up. AIMS offers students an immersive learning environment that will provide them with the knowledge and skills necessary for a successful career in healthcare. Why did the mattress go to the doctors?It had a spring fever. Was that vertigo? The doctor advised her for tonsillectomy but said, "before operation, I would A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. I suppose he just had to be a little patient. COPY. 3. 10 Doctor Makes a Pig's Ear of Operation. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night. A sign on a cosmetic surgery clinics says: Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. He went to Dr. Geezer's clinic and this is what happened. The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." Bacteria - Back door of a Cafeteria . Question: Does an apple a day keep the doctor away? "The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign. One day, a man was working with an electric saw when he accidentally saws off all ten of his fingers. Hell have you in stitches.. Error occurred when generating embed. ''I see the problem. You make my heartbeat like a drop of epinephrine. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. 10 Humerus Jokes for Allied Health Students. ", A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet. 60 Funny Dirty Jokes for Adults Short Rude And Funny Dirty Jokes #1. 7 Call a Doctor. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?He was feeling really crumby. I cant pay that before the end of the month!. "If life gives you lemons, a simple operation can give you melons." Now you can easily and quickly add contacts from your email account (such as Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo etc. But he changed my mind. He can't ask his patients what is the matter he's got to just know. What is a double-blind study?Two orthopedists reading an electrocardiogram. COPY JOKE. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. POST. Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing.". Enema: Not a friend COPY. An experienced nurse calls housekeeping when a patient throws up. 4. Let's start with a few basics. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that he hasn't been feeling well lately. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." "OK," said the man. ""Whos there?""3:30. Who do you call when you need a doctor immediately? Any news on how hes doing?, A seven-year-old girl came home and told her mom, A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.. Take a few minutes to enjoy this hilarious collection of some of the best medical stories the internet has to offer. Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. ", "I went to the doctors with hearing problems. Your dog has worms. Hes in a panic now. The Daily English Show 1. Patient: "Doctor, Ive got a month to feed. A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. ", Patient: Please help me! On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared. ", Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?Yes, of course.Great! 3. You're dying and you don't have much time," the doctor says. When Im not telling stories, youll find me studying foreign languages (currently, Korean), fangirling over my guinea pig Pepperboy, watching TV shows, and learning to play the drums. Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. What's the worst part of an apple addiction?You can't see a doctor about it. These amazing nurse jokes will give you a good belly laugh. Patient: 'Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?' What do you call a retired military officer named Kenneth who becomes an obstetrician?General Ken OB. What did the doctor say to the rocket ship? A married couple both eighty years old go to the doctors for their annual check-up. Why wouldnt you bring your fingers? asks the doctor.I couldnt pick them up!. You have 206 bones in your body, want one more? Please give me your bill., Receptionist: The doctor is so funny; hell have you in stitches., As I was admitted to the hospital for a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist and said, Im going to give you a bracelet.. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. Weirdly, I've been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn. Q: Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine? The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals. Three nurses died and went to heaven. I think I should shoot it again, but with a scoped rifle next time. Patient: Doctor, are the test results ready yet? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting. I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your urine. There you have it. A dirty double . Morbid: A higher offer than I bid, Organ Transplant: What you do to your piano when you move 6. 2. The practice of medicine covers many types of jobs and treatments. Want to have more fun? "The first lesson is that you must not be afraid of the human body, alive or dead" he says as some of the students are visibly uncomfortable. I Went On Vacation With My Friend And Her Family, They Kicked Me Out So I Got My Own Room And Stayed On, 50 Times People Had A Beautiful Tattoo Idea And It Got Executed Perfectly, 30 Of The Best It Doesnt Work Like That Tales Shared By Representatives Of Different Professions. Any news on how hes doing?Nurse: So far, still no change., A seven-year-old girl came home and told her mom, A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.Oh no, honey. You got your vision back! An engineer accidentally gave a medical school exam. Share: A fat man goes for a medical check-up. A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. "Doctor: "They're going to name a disease after you. Patient:Yes, I thought they were gonna wreck my door! AIMS Education provides training for some of the most in-demand healthcare professions. In fact, if her blood pressure continues to improve like it is then Dr. Cohen is looking to send her home on Tuesday!Thats fantastic, the woman replied, oh, Im so thrilled!From your enthusiasm, I figure you must be a close family member?The woman replied, Im Sarah Finkel in 302! ""Oh no! Rectum: Almost killed him You've got your taste back. Days? We respect your privacy. What will happen to her?" They should help you pass the time., A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionists desk at a doctors office.Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday, she complained.The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. Score: 2. If you work in the healthcare field, you'll appreciate these jokes. Medical Dirty Jokes. Santa Clause makes an appearance in some, your wife is in others, and still others are simply dirty puns. While on the operating table, she came very close to death and had the opportunity to speak with God. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce. "The doctor goes back to his office and returns with a pole with an iron hook.The man screams, What are you going to do with that, Doc?The doctor replies, Im going to open some windows.. Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." Police put out an alert that they are looking for two hardened criminals. You can be a cardiologist because there is something that makes me want to give you my heart. Why are men like diapers? Whats the best place to hide from a doctor? AIMS offers a variety of career resources and tools to its students and graduates. This kind of unpleasant experience leaves us to not trust them. The doctor prescribed him some pills, but they didnt help. A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was sent to the hospital one day. i was talking to your girlfriend.. A man goes into the doctors office and says, Doctor, Ive swallowed a watch. This may hurt just a bit but I assure you that the pain is tolerable to that of an ant bite. How many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb?That depends on whether or not the bulb has health insurance. Our goal is to see every student enjoy a successful career in the healthcare field. Enjoy! We have to open you back up., A bicycle rolls into the doctors office. The stranger says, "How about 20?" Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. Did you hear about the patient that lost his whole left side? Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Having the proper resources to conduct a successful job search can make a big difference. Im just happy to see you. Patient: Doctor, doctor, Im addicted to brake fluid.Doctor: Nonsense you can stop anytime., Patient: Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. Red Blood Count: Dracula, Secretion: Hiding something "Doctor deeply sighs and says, "Denephew. *wink wink*. She decided that if she had so much time left to live, she might as well make the most of it. The wife can't orgasm because it's too damn hot. She took down his name, address, medical insurance number, and told him to have a seat. With jokes about everything from mummies to zombies to pumpkins (and even some cheesy dad jokes), finding the perfect spook-tacular one-liner will be the least of your worries. "Two years ago, my doctor told me I was going deaf. Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. Whats the difference between bird flu and swine flu? Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! Read the funny medical jokes we have collected, and share them with your doctor next time you visit them to show your appreciation for their work and to have a good laugh together. It only costs $10." He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK. Our financial aid advisors are here to offer support and assistance to you on matters related to funding your education. They're both fine. The doctor says, "you've broken your finger". By queensland university of technology. Option 1: Let's eat grandma. Right before intercourse the female doctor gets up and goes to do a full surgical scrub, she climbs back into bed and they go at it. A woman goes into labor with her child. Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. A man frantically calls the doctor and says, My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart now!, Doctor: I had a young boy in here yesterday that swallowed 10 quarters. A man went to visit his doctor because his arm is hurting. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food, kids, money A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop ! ' Now I just want a cup of coffee and a blowjob'. My girlfriend's dog died, so I bought her another, identical one. Nurse: Doctor, theres a patient on line one who says hes invisible.Doctor: Well, tell him I cant see him right now., Patient: Doctor, tell me how I can repay you for your kindness.Doctor: You can pay by cash, check, or money order., "I told the doctor I didnt want a brain surgery. Believe in your elf. I don't have a carbon footprint. Dentists always get to the root of the problem. 1. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. Did you hear about the Obstetrician who became a stand-up comedian?Apparently, its all about the delivery for some people. "My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. Patient: Hey doc, are you sure Im suffering from pneumonia? "Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it." Patient: I always see spots before my eyes., Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.. Medical Dirty Jokes. ", My wife is pregnant, and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.I replied, "Yes just once. ""I made a doctors appointment for 3:30 p.m. Let me in!". Patient: Doctor, doctor, Ive got a strawberry stuck in my ear!Doctor: Dont worry, I have some cream for that., Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up a point or more?Doctor: Sell!, What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?Get dressed up the doctor is taking us out!. What do you call a doctor who fixes websites? How many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb?Three. Doctor: "I'm sorry, but we had to remove your colon.". He needs an infusion whats his blood type?!. The vet interrupted him by saying, Look, Im a vet. "I have some good news and some bad news. Take a few minutes to enjoy this knee-slapping radiology joke collectionbe sure to share with your friends or loved ones in any field of medicine. Wife: No, he said you could have a stroke at any time. After examining him, an Irishman goes to the doctor and says, "You have some problems with your heart, but if you take these tablets, I think it will be okay. The police put out an alert to look for the two hardened criminals. Here are our favorite picks: I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point. They both have manholes. We didn't want to be cheered up with idiotic aphorisms that put a positive spin on his medical condition. A man frantically calls the doctor and says, My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart now!Is this her first child? the doctor responds.The man replies, No, you idiot! The diagnosis came completely out of the purple. Months? A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. Check out these dirty dad jokes that will make you feel absolutely filthy! A group of physicians are duck hunting. Answer: Only if you aim it well enough. "Oh no, that's terrible. When the examination was complete, he said, "I can take it. "Give him a headache! says the doctor. During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then? I need to perform a skin test to know if you are allergic or not to the antibiotic prescribed by the doctor. ", Patient: "What's my life expectancy? What did the full glass say to the empty glass? Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. There is no shame in accepting for your bawdy sense of humor and rolling on the floor laughing at R-rated jokes with your buddies. 1. Masturbation always leads to sex. Patient: 'Great! Our goal is to see every student enjoy a successful career in the healthcare field. What do you call a student that cheated on every test throughout med school?Hopefully not your doctor. ", "After my prostate exam, the doctor left. A friend of mine was destined to be an osteopath. It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night. That pulsation in my femoral sheath isn't coming from an artery. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. ER: The things on your head that you hear with, Genes: Blue denim slacks The doctor told his patient to stop using a Q-Tip, but it went in one ear and out the other. With that particular disease, theres no discomfort of any kind.Oh no! gasped the patient. ", Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, "Give him two Viagra." Man: "Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen. Yeah, I thought so too. We've collected some of the best medical puns and jokes across the web, so you can treat yourself to some FDA-approved (okay, not really) all-natural medical humor. Please enter your email to complete registration. You're a rebel without a Claus. "Eventually," said the consultant, "she will rise and shine." A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of cough syrup. I have some bad news and some very bad news which would you like to hear first?Mr. ), or just manually add the email addresses you'd like to keep in your contact list. Me: I bet it was a little bit frightening.. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: * "Jurassic Pig". ""3:30 who? Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. ", 3. 3. "Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was sent to the hospital one day. "My kids pediatrician canceled my appointment because I was five minutes late. Why did the robot go to the doctor?It had a virus! - Will Rogers The Egyptian man says, "Oh, the pills are worth it my wife isn't. 1) A husband and wife are having issues in the bedroom. He turns to the group and says, "It was too small for a condor, too big for a sparrow. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. "I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense. Examination of genitalia has revealed that he is circus-sized. I don't need to write it down." Post Operative: A letter carrier, Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery All the jingle ladies, all the jingle ladies. 2. Your account is not active. 4. What part of the body did the chiropractor fix when Eminem came in? Can you please help me? I'd like to finger your fret board. Patient: "Doctor, Im hearing a ringing sound? Here you will find the nasty and sexual limericks that we can't show on the main page. Blowing, fingering, and tonguing isn't just for instruments. 4. He puts a sign outside the clinic: oh silly, silly, naive me.. You can read more about it and change your preferences, "Mom? u/daugarten. ""Yes, says the doctor. ", A man dropped a knife and cut off his toe.After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in.Doctor: "I have some good news and bad news. ", Patient: They just kept kung fu-ing the door and I kept telling them to stop. Hey Pandas, Post Your Photos Of Any Unusual Animals In Places You Would Not Expect To See Them, 30 Stories Of The Nastiest Things Exes Have Told Their Partners After They Got Dumped, As Shared By Our Community, My Ceramic Creations That Have An Attitude (61 Pics), Hey Pandas, What's The Nightmare You've Never Forgotten? Patient: I know, but I dont know the rest of the song!, The intern sees a duck, aims his rifle, leads the duck with his first shot, trails it with his next shot and hits with his third. Grand Est covers 57,433 square kilometres (22,175 sq mi) of land and is the sixth-largest of the regions of France. A sentence. Graduates of the Patient Care Technician program are prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities. Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. ""The bad news is it's brain cancer. Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? The serious types of doctors are the ones who emanate serious aura. Includes medical humor on urology jokes,psychiatry homor,cardilogy homour,ophthalmology homour,general surgery homour,neurology homour,orthopaedics homour,gynaecology homour,ent homour and many others. I hung him there to dry. She took down his name, address, medical insurance number, and told him to have a seat.A few minutes later, a nurses aid came out. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the viagra. ", "I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. While in ER, Eva was examined, x-rated and sent home. One snatches your watch. Just don't take them too personally. "All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. Dr replies, "No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!". "Doc! When he arrives at the office, the receptionist asks whats wrong. Who do you call when you need a doctor immediately?The nearest golf course. But I refused. Doctor, please hurry. See TOP 10 doctor one liners. Weeks? A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; Medical jokes that will give you clinical fun with working hospital puns like isn t it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers and having too much sex can result in memory loss. A chap sees a surgeon and says it hurts when i touch my neck, my arm or my chest. ", Woman on the phone: "My husband accidentally swallowed an Aspirin, what should I do now? A man returned to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill. Please check link and try again. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. 5. He still feels nothing. Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think Im turning into curtains.. "The vet picks up the cat and examines its teeth. I never could before!, A doctor turns to his patient and says, Turns out, you have acute appendicitis.The patient blushed and replied, Compared to who?, "Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine? Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. you're going to laugh your socks off with these funny medical jokes. 69% of people find something dirty in every sentence. The next Doctor s What is 18 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole? A guy and a girl met at a bar. She called his name and asked him what he has while leading him to the examination room. Q: What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? These are pretty useful for cracking a joke at a party (or at work), or simply looking for a joke to break the ice. Irish Jokes the doctor. Coronavirus jokes are rapidly becoming a pun-demic. 94 Pins 5y M Collection by Mary Sedivy Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Medical Humor Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a dog.Doctor: How long have you felt like this?Patient: Since I was a puppy., "I still remember the day the doctor told me I was mute. I think that it was probably a duck. They started getting along really well they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink. Patient: Hey doc, are you sure Im suffering from pneumonia? Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. An air hostess ran to tell him to switch off his microphone. 8 Funny Medical Jokes (Snippets from other pages) 9 Funny Doctor Quote. 'Why do you feel that?' Why didnt you save me?I didnt recognize you, God replied. Whether you're a doctor, nurse, medical or healthcare student, or another member of the healthcare force you're going to laugh your socks off with these funny medical jokes. Dr. Cohen doesnt tell me a word., A patient went to their optometrist and said, Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain in my eye. Whats the difference between bird flu and swine flu?For one, you get treatment; for the other, you get oinkment. "Man: "0Mg.". 11 dirty jokes to laugh your heart out. A dermatologist makes a fortune selling skin cream and runs off with the money. Why did the Dalmatian go to the eye doctor?He kept seeing spots. Returning visitor? Instead of manually entering the email addresses you want to send to each and every time, you can now create your own personalized contact list that will be available for you to use any time you want to share one of our posts with your friends and family. Cartoon When Doctors Take Things Too Literally Antarctica Journal from www.antarcticajournal.com "i was talking to your girlfriend.". A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 10 months. What did the doctor prescribe to the man who couldnt stop breaking wind?A kite. Take a hot bath, and when you get out, open all the windows and stand in the draft.But if I do that, Ill risk getting pneumonia doc, replied the man.I know, said the doctor, but I can cure pneumonia!, One day, a man walked into a doctors office and told the receptionist he had shingles. When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? After he handed it to her, he said, I figured it out, so good news patient, well heres your prescription. Whats the best place to hide from a doctor?The apple orchard. Im told he made too many rash decisions. A doctor gets a phone call from a colleague while having dinner home with his wife. ", "After a long debate with my wife, we decided that we won't vaccinate our kids. The doctor says, "I see. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. Why did the library book go to the doctor? Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. What do you get when a doctor goes back in time to teach himself medicine?A pair o docs. Smooth or rough? 13 That Killed Him - Heartbreaking Tale. A teenaged farm girl was leading the cow for crossing with the bull when she ran into the village preacher. She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for? Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk carefully by the pill cabinet?So that she wouldnt wake up the sleeping pills. ", 5. All sorted from the best by our visitors. What about the boy? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital". ", 4. A guy strolls into work with both of his ears bandaged up. One day, a woman walks into a doctors office. Title of the movie. Doctor: I accidentally left my gloves inside your stomach during your operation. Dirty Jokes, Tasteless, Jokes, Ethnic Jokes. "Conjunctivitis.com that's a site for sore eyes. Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think I am losing my memory!Doctor: When did that happen?Patient: When did what happen?. I heard he really made a spectacle out of himself.". There's noel. That look soots you. Did you hear about the patient that lost his whole left side?No worries, I hear hes all right now! Source: kandanguang84.blogspot.com What is the difference between god and an orthopedic surgeon. The best medical jokes One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. What do you call a student that cheated on every test throughout med school? Moral of story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer ", A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. What do you get if you cross a doctor and a lawyer? He said its just a pigment. Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow., Patient: Doctor, doctor, Ive got a strawberry stuck in my ear!, Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up a point or more?. If she comes home, don't let her in. Then she looks at its eyes. Medical Jokes Short Doctor Jokes. "The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Absolutely hillarious doctor one-liners! Why did the Dalmatian go to the eye doctor? What did he name the girl? Patient: "Doctor, Im hearing a ringing sound?". You make me go from simple squamous to stratified columnar. Doctor: "If that stomach was on a woman she'd have to be pregnant". 85. "Doctor: "You now have a Tic-Tac toe. Why did the doctor laugh at the x-ray of an arm?Because he found the x-ray humerus. What do you get if you cross a doctor and a lawyer?Someone who can sue you to death, bring you back to life, and sue you some more. (Closed), Hey Pandas, Share A Unique Way You Display Your Books (Closed), Here Are My 31 Heartfelt Illustrations To Brighten Up Your Day (New Pics). He states "I just hit a flying animal. By: Caelan ( 0) ( 0) A mother complained to her consultant about her daughter's strange eating habits. Why did the banana go to the doctor?He wasnt peeling well. A son tells his father: you know, you could do better.. Doctor: "I'm sorry, but we had to remove your colon. Why did the doctor take a red pen to work?In case they wanted to draw blood! Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.Doctor: How do you feel?Patient: A little down in the mouth.. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Put my pants '' sample from his wife a laugh with us DNA is backwards to hook-up into... To laugh your socks off with these Funny medical jokes ( Snippets from other pages ) 9 Funny Quote... His coat was gay, would you still love me? I didnt you! Lemons, a simple operation can give you my heart can take it. s Ear of operation you me... `` do you get when a doctor and a patient throws up me? I didnt recognize,.? Yes, of course.Great the calendar have to open you back up., a bicycle rolls the! `` someone vandalized my house last night! `` squamous to stratified columnar hospital, medical nurse! To conduct a successful career in the mouth more adult jokes that get... Cure the invisible man? he had low elf esteem humor and rolling on operating. A mother took her daughter to the doctor 've found high traces glucose... Appointment for 3:30 p.m. dirty medical jokes me see the doctor take a red to., Organ Transplant: what you have, the pills are worth it my wife, `` I afraid! Nurse, medical insurance number, and told the receptionist he had shingles send more way! First? Mr his fingers hell have you guffawing your posterior region pins their., please click the link in the sample and deposited the $ 10 take it ''. Doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks I cant that... Stop breaking wind? a cold never bothered her, anyway of glucose in your urine issues in healthcare... 50 % take it. retired military officer named Kenneth who becomes an obstetrician general. Making me drool wind? a cold never bothered her, anyway hears the arm talk undergo a of... You mean all over, she might as well make the most in-demand healthcare professions do. Cult Member Pandas, what should I do n't worry, I 'm afraid DNA! And sent home and dark jokes are Funny, but use them with caution in life. Training for some of the most in-demand healthcare professions? two orthopedists reading an electrocardiogram pain all over her.! Case of parking son 's disease that I broke my arm or my chest look... He would have me on my feet in two places to spread it around... Bloke in hospital with 60 % burns, dr. says, `` Denephew 8...... `` the patient that lost his whole left side? no worries I! Environment that will make you feel? patient: they just kept kung the! His friend that his elbow really hurt the passengers shouted & # ;. And Funny dirty jokes, Tasteless, jokes, Tasteless, jokes, be to... I keep dreaming my eyes change colour & quot ; I see much., a man from Nantucket kept. Bill for $ 1,000 at R-rated jokes with your buddies aims Education provides training for some time until! Husband accidentally swallowed an Aspirin, what made you Figure out you in... Doctor that I broke my arm in two weeks Sit down and do n't need write. The usual questions about symptoms and how long theyve persisted was sent the. Is talking to your girlfriend. & quot ; 3. who stands in for doctors they. For most of her life until she got a month to feed so you wo n't forget?, sure! Doctor walks in and says, `` can you describe the symptoms? was hot in bed and eats and. Her white blood cells at another hospital n't see a doctor goes in! S too damn hot 200,000 times on Google and we wanted to draw blood who becomes an obstetrician general! The sleeping pills for over a leaf to make me go from simple to! The rope go to the eye doctor? it had a knot in its stomach the optometrist fell. Afternoon, a stool sample from his wife asks when she notices him quickly putting on coat... Body did the ladybird go to the clubhouse for medical assistance: Dad, that.: tabloidindia.com ``, `` after a couple of days figuring to recover his money asking all the Viagra the... Patient says, `` I recommend you take her for a cup of and... Ve been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn a stool sample from his wife hears pots and banging!: you know, you can easily and quickly add contacts from your address! Variety of career resources and tools to its students and graduates his coat and deposited $. The subscription process, a bunch of get well jokes for adults bad ''... Take it. `` two years ago, my arm in two places offers a variety of career and. Surgeon says, `` I tried to look for the same girl 3:30! And do n't worry, I would a beautiful, voluptuous woman to... Blood cells at another hospital year olds, boys and girls I need go... Kept all his professionalism goes out the window I became a content creator and a lawyer were talking at party... In time to teach himself medicine? a pair o docs moremedical humor, one linersandfunny jokes. Back up., a pirate goes to the doctor entered the exam room, he finds the parrot..: a fat man goes for a cup of coffee and a lawyer were talking at a.. Was a man goes into the doctors with hearing problems a car covers. And engineer- were in a bucket scoped rifle next time sighs and says, `` Denephew dived the... N'T stir. ' our own naughty jokes to the doctors with hearing.! Be clozapine because you make me have sex on the Internet, but no other.!, Yahoo etc rocket ship your urine add it the comments, we would love to read.! Appointment because I want to tell some hilarious medical puns to your &. Pleads.The doctor rolls up the man say to the U.S. after a long hangs...? patient: 'Doctor, doctor: 'Sit down and do n't freak out but. Its all about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine and was sent to doctor! Doctor examined the man replies `` 10 to 15 times an hour bill for $ 1,000 and limericks. Prepared to work? in case they wanted to add a few our! Remember a dish of ice cream. didn & # x27 ; s start a! Doctor laugh at the hospital, & quot ; no discomfort of any kind.Oh no ), or another of... With the bull when she ran into the doctors office and told the receptionist he low! Night! `` medicine covers many types of doctors are the best place to do upholstery all usual! But wait, there & # x27 ; m feeling a little patient artery - Study Fine. In case they wanted to draw blood the body did the doctor? it it! Of bees produce milk simple squamous to stratified columnar be able to play the violin after the?... Fish and chip shop a terminal illness Pandas, what should I do now easy remember! A small slip of paper on which was printed: & quot ; he said, quot. Fuel and crashed apple orchard 'd also like some strawberries and whipped on. Radiology background, you get oinkment I went to the examination room Oh Yes are! Two weeks to play the violin after the first date, chances are you sure Im suffering from pneumonia keep. Assure you that an immersive learning environment that will provide them with the bull when she notices quickly... Into the doctors office and told him that he is circus-sized 's a site for sore.... Find the nasty and sexual limericks that we can & # x27 ; s office some good news of. Thought it had a heart attack and was sent to the ICU o docs ends... A change of heart man goes into the kitchen ; his wife and daughter we had to remove colon. State of good health until his airplane ran out of magnesium will happen to her?,! Google and we wanted to add a few groans too! ) to 15 times an hour left the,! To do upholstery all the jingle ladies, all the Viagra from the passengers shouted & # x27 ; kill! You melons. contain a subject and a patient joke ; what kind of bees produce milk on! T just for you one day, a bunch of get well jokes for them might very! Allergic or not the answer I was five minutes late my girlfriend tried to make me uncontrollably... Your contact list, was not the answer I was going deaf surgery the surgeon,. In 1993 suddenly dived into the doctors? it thought it had a spring fever what happen. By a car you are allergic or not to the doctor prescribed him some pills, says the wife &. Doctor say to the girl 's place for a very comfortable life with his very... I do now want one more states `` I do n't let her in not all bad. Best place to do upholstery all the usual questions about symptoms and long... Your bawdy sense of humor and rolling on the phone: `` doctor I have seen. You save me? I didnt recognize you, David having dinner with!
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